Football, Family, Asterix and Obelix

Ha! The world cup is through and as predicted Germany are the world champs! I am not too fond of giving up my few precious hours of sleep to watch matches and movies given that my early mornings are busier than the rest of the day. I don't want to wake up like a zombie, feeling crappy.. the tone for the day cannot be set this way. However, a bit of the enthusiasm from around did rub itself on me. I loved watching Arjen Robben sprinting around. I felt he was almost everywhere always. My nephew kind of educated me on the different teams, their strengths leaving me wondering how he managed to get so many names right. My daughter, my nephew and me listened to PitBull and JLo and the kids kept comparing Shakira's recent album and Waka Waka.. It was family night. We had a lot to laugh about, listen and talk. That was the solid outcome of this season. I miss my nephew's presence because we chatted for hours together. By the way I love Waka Waka over the noise that is called Anthem this year. May be it is because I look for lyrics and good music too along with sensible video. Or may be this does not fit into my definition of 'good music'. In the midst of all this, at the end of a saturated day I picked up Asterix at the Olympic games. They have a way of cheering me up - those Gauls. Gaius Veriambitius chooses Gluteus Maximus to represent the Romans in the Olympic Games. He believes if Gluteus wins, he can work out his 'promotion' with Ceaser. Special arrangements are made for Gluteus so that he remains cheerful, trains happily and wins. Glueteus is pampered with many luxuries, special diet etc. This reminds me of the German training center Campo Bahia that was exclusively built for the team in Brazil, centrally located so that they needn't travel much yet got their training. The pampering is ultimate. Eventually it is expected that this place will be turned into a luxury holiday village. The parallel just can't be missed. Sport Crazy species we are, aren't we? Anyway, all is well that ends well. May be it is worthwhile to take up the exercise of creating a list of all the names in Asterix and Obelix. PS: The origin of 'Pot Luck' is cute... check for it.

Death....

Today, I feel strongly that I should add I've read to the title of this blog. I belong to a family which is blessed to have elders with us. What went unnoticed is, the elders have gotten even older than we have gotten. I almost took the support from my Dad and Mom for granted. It is always, "Appa.. can you get this done for me?" and it would be done. They are always there. To take care of my daughter when I had to work, popping in on a festival with the goodies, checking out things when little gatherings had to be organized.. their presence is invaluable. Similarly with Mom-in-law. When one of us were home for a holiday, I knew I will be leaving with varieties of pickles and podis with the special patti touch like how my daughter says. In fact at home, I have the rasam powder made by both my Mom-in-law and Mom. Shruthi decides what kind of rasam she would like to have. Until recently... My husband was home to meet his parents and I called her up for Rasam powder. She sent me a packet. Only this time, it was not like the usual quality and I wondered what happened. When I met my Mom I happened to mention and she said that little chores were getting to be demanding physically. I thought to myself how true and how insensitive of me! I wondered about the kind of vacuum their absence would create in our lives. I also wondered if I will be able to support my daughter for as long and as productively as the oldies did for us. From there, my mind wandered to death. The fear of death that seems to be bothering us. I wondered how much the Ego has created the illusion about our physical presence and the importance of it! That also shows how we lack an open mindedness to embrace that which we think we do not know or understand.What is it that makes us want to hang on? It is the same need for control that we thought we possessed all our life! We thought we made all the decisions, the choices, the smart moves while it is the consciousness,the flow that has done it all. How can the mind usurp something that it doesn't deserve to usurp? For all I know, the rational mind could have many times interfered and pushed me into making inappropriate decisions and choices. I don't remember where or when I read this: that Yogis are born with every intake of breath and die with every exhalation. Five people in Heaven and Many Masters Many Lives have helped me understand that there is a certain learning, certain purpose with which the soul enters the body. Once the learning happens in this life, in this plane we have to move on to the next for higher learning. The soul has to move on. The very idea of learning so much more in different higher planes makes death very attractive. I also read that intense mourning and yearning from the near and dear makes this ascent that much more difficult for the soul. I have been living looking forward to a growth that will move me into dimensions that are hitherto unknown to me. That I will learn to deal with death as something as natural as birth. That the nice things we did for each other, the love that we give each other is the only permanent with which I will enter a future - a new future not with fear but with total serenity and love.

The Growing Mom of a Teenager/Young adult...

I am in a dilemma. How do I title these thoughts? In the last few years there were moments when I grappled with the question: What is growing? How do I know that I am growing? My daughter just turned 18 couple of days ago. The last three years have definitely urged me to grow as I would very often hear Shruthi tell me, " Grow up Mom". My daughter had just turned 15. Life was blissful but for arguments about not completing homework or waking up late into the morning. I used to pride myself about either being an efficient mom of a very understanding teenager or vice versa. And then it all began all of a sudden! May be I didn't notice the sign posts along the way. Temper tantrums, loud arguments just about everything, crying for hours for every little thing.. I would often console myself that it was the hormones playing havoc! The volcanic temper eruptions were epic! May be my neighbours concluded that I harassed and bothered Shruthi just about everything. Communication on holidays were to closed doors. Sometimes the door would open a wee bit and if there was a disagreement it would go BAM!!! onto my face throwing me completely out of gear. Days when I had the time and had thoughtfully cooked something she liked, I would hear, "But did I ask you for it? I ate it just yesterday at the school canteen." and if I got a simple dinner made, it would go, "What a boring house and a boring Mom?" The questions were unpredictable.. "How could you just give away my dog for adoption instead of finding a different apartment?" This was three years after our dear Cindrella was given away for adoption. "I don't like Bangalore. I lost my friends thanks to you". The cherry on the cake: One day she decided that though she liked visiting our home town, she didn't like the name. The problem was, "How do I tell my friends I'm going to Machilipatnam? They'll laugh at me!" One day, she will be all social and another day would think that she was doing a favour by saying a hello to a visitor leaving me squirming! The most often heard sentence was, "Why? Is that a problem?" or "How is that your problem?" "Don't nag me all the time", this was when I would have waited for the pile of books to be organized or the lunch boxes to be given back [after 2 days sometimes..] One morning, after Shruthi left for school, I was picking up stuff from the floor and trying to get some organizing done. I noticed a long line of ants. I followed them to under a pile of books. I lift them to find a rotting apple core. When she came back that evening and I told her about it, she simply responded, "So?". And suddenly, it all changed again. She wants to spend time with me, shares everything about her school and friends, puts things in perspective, admonishes me, cooks for me, tries to clean up her room and notices the wet towel on the bed and tie and socks on the floor. I don't any more hear "Grow up Ma". Instead, it is, "I want to look like you, be like you." The challenges are fewer. No crying, shouting or banging doors. My growth rate has tapered off! That phase in my life was when I reflected the most. Wrote maximum number of little notes and emails rather than trying to talk. I learnt to laugh off insults and indifference and times when I thought I should be called Buddha. Sometimes my reactions forced me to ask myself who needed to be disciplined? The parent or the tantrum throwing teenager.. But those are memories that will remain with me, saved up for a few years from now when I am old and have all the time to reminisce.. when my life will continue to be filled with laughter...:)

The Gordian knot and me, the knotted up mom!

I am all knotted up. My shoulders are kind of skewed and not level. My neck is stiff and hardly any blood circulation. My mind is unable to focus. I have lost appetite and have no interest in doing anything. So, what is it all about? Well, my daughter is awaiting her grade 12 results. Even when I was a student, I couldn't care less about when the results would be declared and life was beautiful. Today, I sit here wondering about the inconsistencies that define our education system. The mother of all... Different benchmarks and difficulty levels by different boards. In Karnataka, the PU board has upgraded the curriculum to the CBSE board. In fact, except for the cover pages and the decorative aspects, the books are exactly the same. That is where the similarity ends...What about expectations from students? Ocean of a difference will actually super simplify! By making a statement like this, I don't mean to undermine the great performers of the PU Board. I tell myself that those guys made a smart choice by deciding to shift to PU instead of being with the CBSE! Times like these is when I wish I could turn the clock back to 2012! The second.. The results are declared at different times. The first to be out was the PU, now the ISC and the CBSE results are awaited. Wait! What is my concern here? Why does it bother me so much? This is epic! This morning I called a college up for clarification because their admission procedure said that we had to send in the forms with the class 12 mark list. With the results yet to be declared, I wanted to know the deadline. And the office said that they have closed their admissions because there was a rush from the state board students. And I asked, what happens to these kids? They responded that it is not their problem. And, next comes the Central University. There is a common entrance and the results have been declared. The website has an update that says 25th May is the last date for updating the Grade 12 marks. No news from CBSE about likely dates and I have been making calls to CU to figure out what to do. Am I justified to feel the way I feel? Add seething to the opening lines. If students are asked to add to this page, it will be long. Is it assumed that all students from CBSE schools will anyway opt for JEE or AIEEE or some such thing? Why such visible discrepancies cannot be addressed? I don't believe in having a packaged uniform education, performance standards etc, but common is there something wrong in having one school final exam across all boards? Federal autonomy is essential. But in education? In learning expectations? In admissions? Oh well! For the first time, since this morning I feel victimised. The poor me! In search of that elusive great man Alexander to untie the knot! Alexander the Great... do you hear me?

for our parliamentarians

I am not going to verify if the word Parliamentarians is correct or not. As long as the readers relate to what I have to say. With the verdict out the next round of anticipation is about Jaya, Mamta B and who would be heading which ministry. Before the elected representatives get down to business, I wish they consider my suggestion seriously. We are all aware that organizational development is an important aspect of the growth of an organization. It is widely believed that by revisiting, reframing and agreeing upon the vision of the organization and reflecting upon other important aspects periodically pumps in fresh energy and focus into the organization itself. Given this, is it appropriate to suggest that a similar exercise be conducted for our elected representatives? The vision for India will then not be the stronghold and property of one person or party alone. This exercise has the possibility of bringing in focus in what they do and how they do and possibly up accountability, set new benchmarks and may also help them reflect on the value system. More than this, I have another suggestion. Somebody out there please train them on debating skills. So far, most of our elected representatives believe that flexing decibel and muscle power and tearing a few sheets of papers, marching to the podium and possibly a new addition to the list, creating chaos by sitting on a dharna inside the parliament house is equal to making a point. I'm sure professional debaters disagree with all these. They should be educated into the very purpose of debating, how to keep focus on the issue, have clarity on the fundamental purpose of the debate while striking a balance with the party line, how to listen to others point of view and disagree amicably while being able to suggest alternatives and the list goes on. Our opposition traditionally believe that their purpose of being there is to oppose everything proposed by the treasury benches. the opposition is there to provide a holistic perspective on the proposals or issues. When would they ever understand that? The treasury benches should also be willing to consider alternatives. The spectacle they create while the parliament is in session is not what responsible people representatives should show case. So, who out there is willing to make a proposal to NAMO?

Shruthi's schooling: (cont)

This has been a longer break than intended. Since I write to myself more than for others, I think I'm a bit laidback.

Coming back... We followed instructions given by Kamal religiously. We waited, chewing our nails wondering if Shruthi is fine and a thousand questions ... 'did she cry?', 'did she ask for me?', and many more.

By 11.30am we drove out of home and reached school earlier than expected. The most sensible thing a school could do to prevent us anxious parents from undoing what a good school day could do is to lock up the front gates. Dozens of us were hanging around, not bothered to interact with the others till it was time. At 12.30pm, we went into the school but were asked to stop at the boarding point. The children will be got here they said. So, more anxiety, more knots, tears... never knew I was so emotional and insecure about 'letting go'. And then, there came the little one - radiant, smiling, tiny, strong Oh! how much more stronger than me... showed that she had a good time. She had had a good breakfast and lunch and was given a small pack of snacks for the evening. What a relief!

She wanted to sit by herself... virtually elbowed me out of the seat and we had a quiet journey back to the day care together and then within minutes at home. To her, it was another happy day and for us, time to gather ourselves and throw away anxieties.

From then, till now, going to school has been enjoyable for Shruthi. She has never had complaints and I think I'm blessed to have such a wonderful friend and companion at home. (Guess all mom's will say this... yet, Shruthi, you are very special to me!)

Shruthi's schooling

That was way back sometime around Feb 1999. Shruthi was due to turn 3 that April. She was already at a day care and had absorbed a lot of things that the older children did. For instance, she would sit down with any book with pictures and try and read out a story to herself! It was hilarious, spontaneous and most creative. How many many stories came out of those pictures and how beautiful it was to see her live through those pictures and how it transported this cynical adult who is recording it after 10 long years into her welcome world!

Another thing she liked to do was play around with crayons. She would simply rub them one colour on top of the other talking to herself completely absorbed. I've never seen that kind of concentration in directed activities except during EPL at school.

Alright, back to the theme - We then lived in a huge apartment complex. There was no short of activity for adults and children. One evening in the course of a conversation, I realised that parents who had children of Shruthi's age or even younger were sharing their experiences of school visits and exchanging notes on admission processess. I was working at Eklavya Ahmedabad as a teacher trainer. My familiarity with schools was good by then. 

As a parent, I believed that children should go to a school which let them live, have fun and experience so many important things in life that the dull existence of a home would not provide for. I was also very very against putting my child in a school that involved travelling and most importantly interviewed them for an admission into pre school. I was willing to give the school alternative and fair ideas without charging them but I don't think anybody would've been willing to go for it. The difficulty of the test was in proportion to the reputation of the school itself.

Anyway, exercise number 1 - have a passport photograph of the child. That was the first time I was going to ask Shruthi sit down for a picture. We walked into a studio in Gurukul. The guy made this chubby, rolly polly girl sit down on the stool. We thought she had settled down and the guy said,'mere tharaf dekho'. Her eyes took in the whole scene and she got completely interested in the equipment. From where she was she queried him about it and he responded. He then said,'abi tumare photo kinchna hai. mere tharaf dekho'. She sat down and glared at him. He then said,'thoda neeche dekho' and that did the damage. She was then asked to look up because we realised that she had double bent on her stomach and the next thing she did was to really look at the roof. It was hilarious and an unforgettable experience witnessing the sincereity and eagerness displayed. We had to get her off, talk to her and finally decided to go for the best pic the moment we got one. A copy of that picture is a cherished treasure and i will scan it out and post it here one of these days.

A sigh of relief! Step 1 executed. 

Step 2 - Search for a school. I eliminated one school after the other because of the interviews and test.  Between Kamalakar and me we decided that she would continue at the day care for a full academic year and we continued with our routine.

There were days when Shruthi would go with me to office if there were no alternatives. She was the only one who enjoyed it. Core house offerred so much for exploration. She liked to play at the preschool play ground, run back and forth in the lecture hall endlessly as though she hadn't had enough and travel by the lift between the ground floor and the Eighth Floor with whoever she wished to. She was happy, gloriously dirty and starving at the end of the day. A chance interaction with Kamal Mangal one afternoon when he was there for work offerred us what we were looking for.

Kamal runs a school called Anandniketan in Ahmedabad. It was known for the facilities, a very child friendly environment and most importantly, the railway line at the backyard and the rabbits that strolled around. Shruthi hadn't qualified according to their age requirements. Kamal picked up a conversation with me and offerred to keep Shruthi in school because he felt that she was ready. It was June and the school was due to re-open in a week. He suggested that we send her to school on June 14, 1999. It was on an experimental basis for a whole month. If the school felt that she was adjusted and enjoyed being there we would then pay the fee for admission. I think this was more than what anybody could ask for. So, both Kamalakar and me prepared for the Big Day. We decided to drive her to school and wait outside and get her back home.

The previous evening Kamal sent a person from his staff home and asked us to meet him briefly. He told us to put Shruthi in the school bus (Route No.1) and occur at school only in the afternoon at 12.30pm. One of us had to travel with her by bus and inform where she had to be dropped off since she had to go back to the day care.

The first day at school will be posted shortly!