The Growing Mom of a Teenager/Young adult...

I am in a dilemma. How do I title these thoughts? In the last few years there were moments when I grappled with the question: What is growing? How do I know that I am growing? My daughter just turned 18 couple of days ago. The last three years have definitely urged me to grow as I would very often hear Shruthi tell me, " Grow up Mom". My daughter had just turned 15. Life was blissful but for arguments about not completing homework or waking up late into the morning. I used to pride myself about either being an efficient mom of a very understanding teenager or vice versa. And then it all began all of a sudden! May be I didn't notice the sign posts along the way. Temper tantrums, loud arguments just about everything, crying for hours for every little thing.. I would often console myself that it was the hormones playing havoc! The volcanic temper eruptions were epic! May be my neighbours concluded that I harassed and bothered Shruthi just about everything. Communication on holidays were to closed doors. Sometimes the door would open a wee bit and if there was a disagreement it would go BAM!!! onto my face throwing me completely out of gear. Days when I had the time and had thoughtfully cooked something she liked, I would hear, "But did I ask you for it? I ate it just yesterday at the school canteen." and if I got a simple dinner made, it would go, "What a boring house and a boring Mom?" The questions were unpredictable.. "How could you just give away my dog for adoption instead of finding a different apartment?" This was three years after our dear Cindrella was given away for adoption. "I don't like Bangalore. I lost my friends thanks to you". The cherry on the cake: One day she decided that though she liked visiting our home town, she didn't like the name. The problem was, "How do I tell my friends I'm going to Machilipatnam? They'll laugh at me!" One day, she will be all social and another day would think that she was doing a favour by saying a hello to a visitor leaving me squirming! The most often heard sentence was, "Why? Is that a problem?" or "How is that your problem?" "Don't nag me all the time", this was when I would have waited for the pile of books to be organized or the lunch boxes to be given back [after 2 days sometimes..] One morning, after Shruthi left for school, I was picking up stuff from the floor and trying to get some organizing done. I noticed a long line of ants. I followed them to under a pile of books. I lift them to find a rotting apple core. When she came back that evening and I told her about it, she simply responded, "So?". And suddenly, it all changed again. She wants to spend time with me, shares everything about her school and friends, puts things in perspective, admonishes me, cooks for me, tries to clean up her room and notices the wet towel on the bed and tie and socks on the floor. I don't any more hear "Grow up Ma". Instead, it is, "I want to look like you, be like you." The challenges are fewer. No crying, shouting or banging doors. My growth rate has tapered off! That phase in my life was when I reflected the most. Wrote maximum number of little notes and emails rather than trying to talk. I learnt to laugh off insults and indifference and times when I thought I should be called Buddha. Sometimes my reactions forced me to ask myself who needed to be disciplined? The parent or the tantrum throwing teenager.. But those are memories that will remain with me, saved up for a few years from now when I am old and have all the time to reminisce.. when my life will continue to be filled with laughter...:)